Wow, I finally got around to changing the theme. I’ve also changed my avatar because why not.


(775): If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don’t know how much I love boobs.


(219): All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel’s rights


(662): Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field… i have the vaguest memory of trying to


(843): I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That’s my job.


(847): Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it


(678): Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.


(903): On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I’ve gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs


(336): Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me


(704): Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.

(1-704): Celebratory bar crawl?


(858): PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.


(818): Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say “keep having sex with her, I like her” or “dear god, do not get this girl pregnant”?


(608): Of course not. I’d be offended if you didn’t bring my boobs into casual conversation.


(310): At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.


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(412): so I’m staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it’s head?

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(724): stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.


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